Hello guyyyys, how’s your week going? Welcome to my blog. If you’re new to my blog, you can read my blog posts here.
My week was going well until today. You won’t believe what happened to me today guys 😭😭😭. I was called on to answer a question in front of a class, I mean in front of over 100 students. something I’ve never done in my entire life. I felt like the ground should open up and swallow me. I mean I was shaking. I almost teared up because I couldn’t say anything, I just had my head down. I felt sad and embarrassed, because the lecturer kept pushing me to talk and I still couldn’t, not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I was scared. He eventually asked me to go back to my seat after five minutes.
I’m scared of staying in a place full of people, especially those that I’m not really fond of. Whenever I’m in one, I just curl up in my own space, block my ears or read a book. My mum has talked to me a lot about this, but I still can’t help it, she always thinks I’m not smart because of the way I relate with people outside our home and it hurts, because I am.
So, it turns out I am pretty anxious.
People need to understand that people scared of public spaces don’t necessarily have to be shy when with their friends. After what happened to me today, people were telling me that they were surprised to see that I could not talk to them in class, because they’ve seen the way I relate with my friends, I mean the people I’ve known for over 2 to 3 years. You don’t expect me to be shy around them. And don’t think this is a choice, because it isn’t. I’ve tried and tried to fight it, but it still bothers me.
This is the reason why I turn down meeting up with people I barely know or someone I’m meeting for the first time. I always give silly excuses to cover up. I can go a day talking to you online, but meeting you will just bore you. It’ll just be like a question and answer meeting because I will probably not say anything and we’ll just keep looking at each other.
I also have this constant fear of failure and I am convinced that at some point the rug of all my achievements is going to be pulled out from under me and my whole life will collapse. The fear of not being where I want to be in life. It scares me to death.
WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS?
WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES SO FAR?
IS THERE SOMETHING THAT COULD BE DONE ABOUT IT?
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