Currently listening to mirage my Elina.

I woke up an hour late after ignoring my alarm for 7:30am, so i could face my work and finish at the scheduled time. Toast bread and coffee for breakfast, watching two episodes of love island. The taste of the toasted bread is soon dampened by feelings of guilt and shame. How is it 12pm already? and why am i still so tired? Anxiety grips my chest like a vice, you’re disgusting. The coffee that was supposed to perk me up, only makes me feel more unsettled. 

Opened my laptop in an attempt to get some work done, but i make the big mistake of checking instagram. I’m greeted by updates of people who unlike me seem to have their shit together. You haven’t even washed your face or made any attempt to have your bath yet, you pathetic slob. I closed my laptop in protest and leave the room. It’s lunchtime. i’ll get on it after lunch. I make pasta and wash it down with a bottle of wine, the TV lures me back to the couch, i watch more episodes of love island and feel numb. I’m so tired. Maybe a nap will snap me out of this? Hating myself, i crawl back to bed. 

I wake up two hours later with a start. YOU ARE A LOATHSOME PIECE OF SHIT! It’s true, how can i argue with that? I roll out of bed and back to my laptop, fighting my way through endless emails.

By 7pm, i panicked, the negative thoughts circulating through my brain have become aggressive. I reach for the remaining wine in the fridge to take the edge off. It helps, so i pour another. 

It’s 10pm and i’m drunk. Not obviously, but i know it. Maybe an early night will help? I take something to knock me out and crawl back to bed a final time. Tomorrow will be different, i’ll get up early, eat healthy, work through my to-do list and exercise. 

Tomorrow is the day. 

This is what it’s like to be stuck in a mental rut and this is something i can totally relate with. The self loathing, followed by overindulgence, fatigue and then more self loathing. It is what they call a perfect storm, one that anxiety and depression feed off. The desire to get out of a rut, but not knowing how can be frustrating. Why is it so hard to do things that are good for you? The brain really is a sucker for instant pleasure and punishment. One minute you’re happy, the next you’re sad and you just want to drown yourself in your thoughts. The brain can quickly turn into a small child, digging it heels in (especially if you have anxiety or depression). However, with a little prep and determination, the child can be coaxed. 

At times, I limit myself by staying stuck in these mental ruts, mostly weighed down and hemmed in by fear and insecurity. At this point, i’m scared to step outside my comfort zone, be vulnerable, lower my defenses, etc. We find ourselves in bleak times, especially in this period where we can’t do anything about it. 

Sometimes, it’s hard to pull out of a mental rut, but always remember that you’re not the first and only person to have it, so you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. 

You should understand that the thinking about the past can demotivate you, thinking about not being good enough when you have more to learn about yourself. This lie that if i am right, i am good. If i am right, i am better. If i am right, i have a weapon i can use against anything. Thinking about yourself is only based on a skewed perception. There is always more to learn, and it starts with a willingness to admit there is always more to learn.

You should also try to change your routine. Extreme behaviour triggers extreme counter behaviour. In order to stop patterns repeating, we need to make positive changes. No matter how long you’ve been in a rut, only you can make a decision to no longer remain there. 

Staying out of a rut is a continuous process. An actor who makes one bad film isn’t necessarily a bad actor, just like a person who has one bad week doesn’t necessarily have a bad life.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A RUT? 

WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET OUT OF IT? 

DOES IT GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU REALLY CAN’T HELP IT THAT IT KEEPS REPEATING LIKE A DEJA VU? 

Please leave a comment below and let’s talk about it.

Gracias x. 

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36 Comments

  1. Oseruona May 20, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    This is so relatable. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been in a mental rut. The trick is to keep pushing and willing yourself to come out of it.
    Thank you, Mo. I loved reading this.

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you enjoyed reading 💜

      Reply
  2. ronkesuyi May 20, 2020 at 1:16 pm

    I enjoyed reading this💓

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:53 pm

      i’m glad you did 💜

      Reply
  3. Ty May 20, 2020 at 2:15 pm

    This habit tho😪

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:56 pm

      i know right. it keeps happening, but the only thing we can do is to try hard to remain positive and being able to withdraw.

      Reply
  4. Peter Ogundiran May 20, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    Beautiful piece ❤️

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      thank you boo 💜

      Reply
  5. Oluwaferanmi Ogundare May 20, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    Woah, nice

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      thank youuuu cuz ❤️

      Reply
  6. livingwithteni May 20, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    Babeeee, I’m so grateful to have read this post because mehn mental health is no joke, we sometimes seem to be caught up in everything. Thank God for the grace to withdraw and BREATHE!!

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Mehn, thank God for strength yo! Thank you for stopping by babe 💜💜

      Reply
  7. Kushimo Olamilekan May 20, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    Nice article 💖✌

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      thank you very much 💜

      Reply
  8. Ligali Bukola May 20, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    It’s sooo nice

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      thank youuuu🥺

      Reply
  9. Onyinye May 20, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    I can totally relate with this😪…
    Thank you❤

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 20, 2020 at 5:52 pm

      thank you 💜

      Reply
  10. Timi May 20, 2020 at 7:31 pm

    This is an interesting read
    You are touched

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      thank youuuu 😊

      Reply
  11. Mosope May 20, 2020 at 7:36 pm

    Very interesting to read

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      i’m glad 😊

      Reply
  12. Ubanozie Iheanetu May 20, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    Such beautiful words, I’m not really surprised though. You always made being perfect look easy

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:09 pm

      i’m glad you stopped by. thank you 💜💜

      Reply
  13. Anonymous May 20, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    An Interesting Piece
    Experience this a lot, didn’t even know there’s a term for it, felt like a phase.
    Negative thoughts weighing you down and then there you are not doing anything about it. Watching Movies from dusk to dawn, Sleeping, Eating and then restarting the cycle. You withdraw, you feel like your life is crumbling down.
    Most times time happens, I try to identify the threat. I was once concern about WhatsApp status views 🤣, I switched of my read receipt until I felt okay, then it went back on. Sometimes it’s people achieving dream (peer), it will feel like your stucked. If it’s that, instead of avoiding them, I’ll see them as a source of Motivation.
    Setting small achievable goal is also helpful, and having a good laugh from time to time is also good

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:10 pm

      it’s something everyone can relate to, but we stand strong still. thank you 😊

      Reply
  14. Somidotun May 20, 2020 at 10:20 pm

    The best thing I have read this week 🥳🥳

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:11 pm

      i’m glad 💜

      Reply
  15. IFEOLUWA May 21, 2020 at 10:24 am

    This write up is so me. Glad I read it. Nice one

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 21, 2020 at 5:11 pm

      thank you 💜

      Reply
  16. Zeezah May 22, 2020 at 4:13 am

    This is a nice write up.
    Something about behavioural pattern yeah?
    I think setting a plan for what to do works, takes time but works.(setting different plans to do daily, and sometimes not getting so worked up over it)
    And it only works if the person’s determined to make it work.
    I’ll be here again next time.

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 22, 2020 at 8:20 am

      yes yes. thank you 💜

      Reply
  17. Sarah May 23, 2020 at 3:54 am

    Hi Mo. Don’t know if you remember me. I invited you once to check my blog and you did. Just wanted to check on you to see how you’re doing during this whole world error.

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog May 23, 2020 at 3:06 pm

      Hi Sarah, i’m remember you. i’m actually surviving this period and i’m taking advantage of it. It has actually pushed me to do few things. Thank you. I hope you’re doing great?

      Reply
  18. Anonymous June 2, 2020 at 3:50 pm

    I love it! It’s shocking how a lot of people especially youths get stuck in this phase for a long time feeling down and depressed. I mean, some people don’t even get out of this phase which acn affect their mental health. It’s nice to see write-ups like this to help people remember that they are not alone in situations like this and they can always scale through. God bless. Kudos.

    More power to your elbow. A fan.

    Reply
    1. Mo's blog June 2, 2020 at 4:27 pm

      Thank you very much 💜

      Reply

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