Hi guys, how’s your January going? I can’t avoid the fact that this month is moving so slow. I mean, it’s just 11th for Christ’s sake. I guess we just have to live with this because we still have 77 days to go till this month ends.

Currently listening to prayed up by Summer Walker.

Maintaining any kind of relationship is a cooperative effort. Both people ought to be upholding their end of the deal. That deal? Clear, concise, and meaningful communication without deception. “Without deception,” that’s very important. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t lie to your friends and loved ones, but that’s not the deception I’m talking about. Deception, when it comes to maintaining a relationship, more often manifests as misdirection, hollow language, and unclear intentions – and generally, the type of person to be deceptive in a relationship of any sort is also likely to “ghost” someone.

I came across a twitter thread on my friend’s WhatsApp status about communication and ghosting. I couldn’t agree less with that thread. I took to my WhatsApp status to seek people’s opinions on ghosting. My question was, “do you think ghosting is necessary or it reeks of immaturity?” I’m going to share their answers with you as I proceed.

“Ghosting” a term coined by millennials, my generation. This generation that has been shoved into the realm of social media. In my opinion, I feel ghosting depends on the circumstances or scenario. Ghosting means ceasing all sorts of communication and contact with a partner, friend, or similar individual with none apparent warning or justification and afterwards ignoring any tries to reach out or communicate made by that partner, friend or individual.

However, ghosting on somebody you’ve got a relationship with, either a close friendship or a committed relationship with is simply an act of cowardliness. It’s terribly wrong and unkind of you.

Ghosting is stemmed from the thought that avoiding feeling, avoiding having to discuss what we are feeling and generally something that ends up in closure and healing was too uncomfortable to process when you can choose not feel the least bit. This avoiding to close situations has generally created a negative loop cycle as a result of not getting a feedback response which means there’s no growth. So, we always have a tendency to unceasingly undergo constant lessons while not learning something and marvel why nothing changes.

People ghost from others for various reasons and sometimes, it’s not even regarding the victim. It may be a breakup strategy, an avoidant personality trait, mental breakdown, depression, a non-committal character, a continual lineage issue to abandon others or get rejected and sometimes, trust issues. I can even understand those having a mental breakdown or depression not wanting to say a thing. The most annoying part is, they end up not showing any signs of empathy or remorse for their ghosting behavior and sometimes show up after weeks, months or years, acting like nothing happened or expecting to start out from wherever they left off as if life is a pause and play game. They forget that yeah, ghosting may have been a simple answer to avoid all the drama, questioning, feelings and all, however they’re gradually burning bridges for the future.

Ghosting is especially a cruel thing to do to a person with whom you’ve got a relationship. Whether romantic or platonic, the other person deserves to understand what’s going on. Perhaps the ghoster is avoiding confrontation, and I get that, but closure for everyone is much better than cowardly comfort for yourself. I could see the opposite argument being that no one owes you anything, explanation or otherwise. And that’s true, but as far as decency goes, being clear and up front with people goes a long way. It’s easy to ghost someone, yes, but you have to know that relationships aren’t easy. They don’t end because you’re done talking. 

Ghosting is something that can be avoided. It’s easier said than done, and this was never meant to be easy. You will have to use words to explain and make sense of what’s happening and if we can’t explain it to ourselves how can we explain it to others? Help is available and you can learn how to express yourself, after all the goal is to be able to communicate and for that communication to help breed better future interactions.

Have I ghosted? Yes. Most times, it was because I was trying to avoid relationship conversations.

Have I been Ghosted? Yes. A lot.

Here are few of the responses I got.

RESPONSE 1
RESPONSE 2
RESPONSE 3
RESPONSE 4

WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON GHOSTING?

HAVE YOU GHOSTED ON ANYONE BEFORE? 

HAVE YOU BEEN GHOSTED ON? HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?

PLEASE FILL THE COMMENT SECTION WITH YOUR STORIES

CIAO ADIOS 🤞🏾❤️

 

 

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23 Comments

  1. Tayo January 11, 2021 at 3:22 pm

    I feel like some “ghosts” have genuine reasons why they ghost and coming back to reality could be really hard sometimes, I mean continuing the relationships they left behind.
    Personally, I don’t think I’m entitled to explain why I’ve ghosted on you, except we’re dating. Nevertheless, efforts should be made to restore important relationships.

    Reply
    1. Filaks January 11, 2021 at 3:48 pm

      It’s not about entitlement, it’s doing a decent thing. Also, do you appreciate someone ghosting you?

      Reply
      1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:05 pm

        I really don’t appreciate it. It’s a really bad move. I’d prefer you be blunt with me that just leave me hanging without explanation.

        Reply
    2. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:07 pm

      Oh well, we’re all different. It’s not necessary for it to be someone you’re dating. You owe it to people you have close-knitted friendship with too.

      Reply
  2. Joelad January 11, 2021 at 3:28 pm

    I won’t “ghost” if I don’t have a genuine reason to do that. Me ghosting probably means maybe I need to breathe, think in my own space, live life in my own head while cutting off communications temporarily. I’ve ghosted on closed ones, and when I got back I made efforts to get back on track, though not so easy, but guess they understood then. I’ve been ghosted on, and I didn’t see it as a bad thing though, I just felt like they needed it, probably when I’m needed they’d be back for me.

    Reply
    1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:07 pm

      As long as you have a valid reasoning, then it’s settled.

      Reply
  3. Diesel January 11, 2021 at 4:08 pm

    Personally, if I ghost on someone especially when it wasn’t intentional, I still think it’s necessary to give an explanation cos I feel bad when it’s done to me 😂.

    Reply
    1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:03 pm

      It’s always painful. Some people even overthink it and get really hurt.

      Reply
  4. Diosa January 11, 2021 at 4:22 pm

    Hi Mo.. Lovely write up. Ghosting can be the worst thing to be done to you especially if it comes from someone you truly have a deep feeling for. I have been ghosted on different occasions with differing degrees that I don’t even want to relieve it. I see it as being immature though. People should learn to own up to their feelings. If you ain’t cool with me no more, just say it. Out with it. I obviously can’t force you to keep liking me. Oh well!

    Reply
    1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:01 pm

      Exactly the way to go, but people people don’t see the need to communicate which is just terrible.

      Reply
  5. Akindimeji January 11, 2021 at 4:30 pm

    Well personally i think ‘Ghosting’ is something each and everyone of us is somewhat guilty of. In fewer cases it could be unintentional but necessary. However, we owe it to persons at the receiving end at least an explanation if not before but after.

    Reply
    1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:02 pm

      Thank you 🙏🏾

      Reply
  6. Ruona January 11, 2021 at 4:55 pm

    I hate it when someone ghosts me and comes back to act like nothing happened. No Sir/Ma, you don’t get to sit with me. That ship has sailed.

    Reply
    1. admin January 11, 2021 at 10:01 pm

      Yes please! Just move along.

      Reply
  7. Joseph January 11, 2021 at 10:25 pm

    Generally, it’s difficult to say why people ghost. Sometimes, people ‘ghost’ without even knowing why, “maybe they’re not just feeling the conversation”. I think ‘ghosting’ sometimes might be a way people get recalibrate their thoughts or just avoid unnecessary conversation. Either ways, it’s not always nice to the other person being ‘ghosted’. But you must leave a little thought that it might not be intentional or might be for a cogent reason. If you feel ‘ghosted’, try talk to the person about it, if the other party isn’t responding or willing to talk, then I think you should move on. Don’t ever get scared to move on.

    Reply
    1. admin January 13, 2021 at 9:52 am

      Thank you!

      Reply
  8. Imran January 12, 2021 at 11:04 am

    Ghosting is bad,no matter what it is that youre going through that needs you to ghost on someone,it is bad. When we talk about ghosting,communication goes a long way,communicate even when it’s not comfortable or easy,it is simple ” hey,I need sometime off”……lack of communication ruins it all because you just leave the other party asumming what is not,even if you need to ghost because someone/thing is toxic…talk it out with them,if they dont get leave them hanging……one of the best way to heal is to let it out,communicate

    Reply
    1. admin January 13, 2021 at 9:52 am

      Thank you!

      Reply
  9. Tobi January 12, 2021 at 11:57 am

    So you’d just go anytime you like/want and I’m meant to be here waiting for you the whole time lol
    That’s some toxic and abusive behavior there

    Reply
    1. admin January 13, 2021 at 9:51 am

      Thank you oo. Some people do it like it’s a fun thing to do.

      Reply
  10. Debbie January 12, 2021 at 9:26 pm

    Ghosting is actually not a nice thing to do to ANYONE. I have been ghosted before and I most say that it is a very painful and annoying thing to experience. For months, not even a word from this person.i feel no matter how bad things can be, we should just learn to communicate better.

    Reply
    1. admin January 13, 2021 at 9:50 am

      Exactly. Communication is key!

      Reply
  11. Lami_dhe January 12, 2021 at 10:17 pm

    Ghosting isn’t necessary most of the time, but there are situations in which for the betterment of your life and for you to have peace from a certain group of people, you’d have to ghost cause they don’t just get it

    Reply

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