*Currently listening to Long Sleeves by Gracie Abrams*
Hi love. What’s good? And how has your week been? I hope it has been good ‘cos mine has been great.
Let’s get it. Do we truly know anyone?
We talk, we laugh together, we cry, but do we know what goes on behind closed doors? Behind the words, there might be complications, behind the laughter, there might be wistful smiles and behind the tears, there might be painful memories.
Our experiences shape who we are, that much I can get on board with. We are all manifestations of what we have seen and been through. Childhood traumas, heartbreaks, career moves, parents divorces and marriages, losing someone. All these events edit our personalities, our physiological make up – the blueprint that forms our unique personalities.
People change, people crumble, people lie, people escape. Events reshape us. Our perspective shift. We align our goals, our objectives. Most people are forever changing and growing. However, people can do the opposite, they can regress, addiction can take over their lives, depression, grief, or illness can alter the person they once were.
People come back from negative things in their lives and be a better person they once were, though we might not recognize them anymore, they have grown but in a direction in their lives that differs from the way we are growing.
I had a conversation with a friend recently and it had me thinking. This was someone who had once been close to me but no longer featured in my day to day. I know you, she said. I agreed, but in my mind I pondered this statement as a true over thinker that I am – yeah, she knew me… Well, she knew a version of me… did she know me? Does she know me now? Am I the same person I was last month, last week, yesterday?
I know in the last 12 months my world has shifted significantly. Does that make me the same person with a new pair of clothes, or a new person in the clothes I’ve always worn?
I am a people pleaser, i try to help people when I can, but sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. People would view me through their lens and say “she is a happy person”, but that is only part of the truth, because I feel sadness like any other person and I’m not always this happy person that I feel people and myself want me to be.
The only person that can confidently say they know me is ME. People only have a perception of you. A version they choose to see, a diluted version of events. Their interpretation of you belongs to them. Not you.
People have elements to them that crafts their identity and some of these are given the green light for people to see. Other areas are VIP access , they only let certain people see these areas and those people have a lot of trust from their individual. Although, people have deep desires, crushing regrets, demons that they wrestle with, and deep feelings that require a special person with VIP clearance.
The fact that some of these things are hidden from us is perhaps our first sight that people are not just their surface. In the aftermath of painful revelations, it’s understandable to feel like no one is trustworthy. Don’t miss the point. People aren’t untrustworthy, they’re just inconsistent and liable to change. We have to acknowledge that we only see one side of them when they only see one side of us.
What is real is never shown outside. What may not be real, is quite often mistaken to be one. What may be real, is often neglected. We can never know people, but we can understand certain people in our lives and based on that understanding, we create wonderful relationships that promise to last. Understand rather than know because the latter is within your capacity.15